Failure Club

State of My Holiday Union: Happy Christmasversary! :)

Happy Christmasversary! A year has gone by so quickly!

I stumble across many articles that tell you you shouldn’t quit your job to pursue your dreams. I’m glad these articles didn’t come out when I quit last year, because I would have taken heed on their warning.

If I let the fear of failure guide me, I would have never seen the following things happen in the past year:

• Writing a catalogue of +320 songs
• Top 10 iTunes EP
• Streamy Award Nomination
• Hearing my songs on the radio for the first time
• International Songwriting Competition Semi-Finalist
• Collaboration with amazing musicians and making a legion of new friends and colleagues.
• Joining the ASCAP and the Recording Academy
• Performing my own music for the first time
• Really finding out who I am and what I’m capable of
• …oh yeah and Failure Club!

This month, I became a record producer in earnest and started the journey in learning how to produce music. I love my new life because I am constantly pushing the boundaries of what I believe I cannot do, and always find there is a way to learn why I can’t, or how I can. I have also been extraordinarily lucky to have had people help guide me and mentors who have helped me to stay the course. Answering rather basic questions about what I don’t know. To those people, you know who you are, I am forever grateful.

It is very easy to avoid pain, it’s easy to avoid hardship, it’s easy to avoid risk. It’s hard to see what will happen if you confront these things and push through to what is these things defenses are hiding on the other side.

I do know what would have happened if I stayed at my job. My health would have continued to deteriorate from stress. I would have always wondered and bemoaned writing Christmas music to my friends for another 10 years. You would have only associated me with my job versus my passion and life goal. I might have been divorced by now. Crushed by my reality.

My life coach (we too will be celebrating a year together in exactly one month), has taught me two critical things:

1. All the tools you need in life, you have in yourself.
2. It’s important to live everyday in alignment.

Meaning, how to make your head work with what your heart wants. Before last year, I had never taken the time to think about how to live each day in alignment. Everyday when we face a harsh reality of our journeys, we sometimes get lost in our heads: “I can’t afford this… I don’t have the resources for this… How can I get there? Who will take care of the kids?” This happens to me too. The more I get lost in my head, the more the heart is muted. When the heart is muted, it is very fast to lose sight of the journey as the path becomes fogged up.

Remember, the head is a very messed-up organ. It plays tricks on you while your heart beats for you as long as you treat your heart well. The two together can accomplish major things, but like a maestro, you have to know how to conduct them in concert.

This feeling of emerging on the other side of fear is sort of like shedding a skin. It takes a tremendous amount of faith and work to start over. Everyday in the past year I have lived trying to align my heart with my head. To figure things out and chip away at my dream. 365 chips can leave a dent for sure.

Last week, I sent some emails individually to people I consider my friends. I received only a handful of responses. It hurt me because in these emails I spoke to each person candidly, asking for their support as I round into the 2nd year of my journey. I’ve reached a point where if I didn’t ask for help, I could risk not releasing music this year. I am surprised by many of those who never even responded. Despite opening up about something I needed help with, help which is very hard to ask for, many did not respond. I believed that in this group of people, I would for sure start a dialogue and hear back. Except for a handful of people, I was mistaken.

But dear handful, how glorious you are! 🙂 I will never forget your gestures and promise to be there for you.

A Failure Club mentor drew a diagram for me once saying that as I continue to move through my journey, I will encounter people who will not be there with me. Every breakthrough is marked by a point where none of your friends and family can help you for I’ve surpassed their whole understanding of exactly what I’m doing. I encountered this a year ago when I quit my job. Many people truly did not understand the decision. It wasn’t until I had some success that people then said “oh! that’s great!” It’s good to check in, but on my journey it’s important to hold close the friends that will try to understand no matter what.

Those friends have revealed themselves to me in the past week. For each of you I appreciate your understanding and your support. It means so much to me! Cause the road is long and I’ve only just begun. Happy ChristmasHolidayversary! 🙂