New Music

“A Christmas Song” – For Annie

I have a heavy heart today.

Many don’t know, but I had spent a good portion of 2012 and 2013 training for “The Voice.” The casting directors/producers had reached out to me and asked if I would be interested. They asked me to prepare specific songs and I thought it was a good opportunity to go for – because at the time I came from a place of yes and figured it would be good to start training my voice in earnest. Everyday I would diligently train with my vocal coach Don Lawrence and Michael Roberts. Michael was not only a coach, but also would become a friend. Guiding me through my journey and adventures from the start of last year. Michael and his wife Annie, would welcome me into their home almost daily to work through my training. This was nearly everyday for several months. They even invited me to hold a recital for my friends days before my final Voice audition.

When I met Annie, she was actively battling cancer and going through rounds of chemotherapy. Being these were new friends I felt a little uncomfortable, figuring maybe she would want rest or quiet and not me trying to warble my way through a Brandon Flowers song. Despite any sense of imposition I felt, Annie and Michael always welcomed me and would be voices of support. Experts of navigating through the music business and industry – they took me in and helped me find and refine my voice and philosophies on being an artist, and showing unwavering support of me on my Christmas journey. No judgements, no opinions. Lots of advice, graciousness and kindness in their support of my adventures. Support that really helped me in an instrumental way to keep going last year.

When I got to their home on the day of the audition, Michael and Annie were there and giving me some last minute advice.  Despite everyone around me believing I would be moving to Los Angeles and had this opportunity in the bag – it did not happen. Ultimately, the final audition process for “The Voice,” left me quite dejected. Second guessing myself as an artist. Crying on an already rainy corner of some street and 8th avenue. Rejection is absolutely a huge part of this business. In fact, if you’re not being rejected – then it could possibly be that you’re not trying hard enough. My coaches had all primed me for how arbitrary television was – that it had nothing to do with music and I should be prepared for that no matter what. They were wrong to think I had this in the bag. They were right otherwise.

For me, my philosophy is sometimes in life – the events that bring you together with new friends are not the important ones. After meeting with Michael and Annie, they believed so much in my Christmas music that they asked if they could include my songs in their school Holiday program. After listening to my catalogue, Annie chose “A Christmas Song.”

This was the beginning of a dream come true.

Nothing else was going right for me at the time they asked. As a composer, all I dream of is for other artists to embrace my music and interpret for their own. Especially during Christmas time. Annie was the musical chair of Birch Wathen Lenox, a school in NYC – and Michael directed the string and chorale arrangement for my song. I marked down the dates of the event and knew it would be the best day of last year. This was truly a dream come true.

My heart that day, when I heard Michael’s arrangement and Annie’s school embrace the song in a way I could never imagine made my heart soar. It was quite a gift for me, for a song I love so much. I remember listening to children singing other Christmas songs and felt overwhelmed that on this day, one of those songs would be my own. My music is my child and my child was going to take stage.

After the concert, I gave Michael and Annie the biggest hug and I was so happy. I thanked them so much and I mentioned how much fun it would be to do another song next year! Annie and Michael were so proud of all the things I had accomplished in the year. Annie admitted she had been watching the charts and cheering “Fa La La” on. That day was my best day last year. I was so happy.

Coincidentally, the world kind of came to me about this performance earlier this week. I had a meeting with a new prospective partner in the UK, who caught the video of this performance. They loved and said it was kind of silly that I posted the video on its side. Unsolicited, they immediately fixed the video for me and sent it over. I had never watched the video right side up, and front and center. This time when I watched the corrected version, I spotted Annie singing “A Christmas Song.” I have often said, this song has a life of its own and it had made its way to Europe without me. I immediately wanted to share it with Michael and Annie, as Annie was recently admitted to hospice. I’m a big into listening to the universe. I received a note a couple days ago from Michael saying how special it was for them to be able to have one of my songs in her last concert.

Last night, on Valentine’s Day – Annie lost her battle to cancer.

Today, I post this video – as a tribute and in memory of my friend Andrea “Annie” Roberts. Who despite going through her own battles when we first met, somehow had the strength to also grant me a dream come true. “A Christmas Song,” will always be my favorite song – because of the meaning it continues to have.

Thank you Annie for being so gracious to have given me this chance to make my Christmas wishes come true, despite all you were going through. My heart is with you and your family during this time. I wish I could have told you in person how much that meant to me. Rest in Peace.